Week 15 - Day 2 - 20 Miles

"My shoes are the one thing I know I'll take on the road besides my guitar. I've run in the Alps on tour with Joan Baez, along the canals in Cambridge, England, and put lots of miles behind me all over the States." - Josh Ritter, singer/songwriter 


If you have been paying attention you will notice that I have only been running twice a week for the past 2 weeks.  This has me seriously concerned.  I feel that I am slowing down just when I should be speeding up.  My pace is climbing back up as well. Not only that but yesterday I slugged around all day and managed to eat every spec of junk food we had in the kitchen.  What is going on?  It's like some part of me is on strike, had enough of this kick-ass fitness queen and is demanding the resurgence of the slug.  Nevertheless, Sunday dawned and the kick-ass fitness queen was up and at it.  I decided to attempt another 20 miles. 


The first 12 miles were amazing.  I felt strong, engaged and in charge.  After that I began to slow down and my body began to hurt.  I pushed and pushed until I had nothing left.  That was around 15 miles.  After that I had one more powerful surge, almost a sprint for about a mile and then it all ran out.  I was completely wasted, hurting and done.  I still had another 2 miles back to the car and Justin to pick up at the airport so I had to walk as fast as I could to stay on the day's schedule.  I tried not to feel defeated.  I had run 18.46 miles.  It was no failure by anyone's standards....anyone's but mine that is.  


That is when the internal dialog got tense.  


I know with 100% confidence that I will finish the marathon.  Whether I finish it in peak performance or am dragging myself to the finish line with my arms is still TBD.  Next week I will definitely get my 2 short runs in and then complete my last long run before the big day.  23 miles.  I know that I am a perfectionist and will want that last long run to be excellent, but I also know that I am human and new at this.  I will do my best, which is all I can ever do.  I have come a long way and there is room to grow.  That perfect marathon is out there, whether I achieve it on October 9th or on a future race is part of the grand adventure.