Week 6 - Day 1 - Stats

Location: Jackson Middle School Track

Distance: 4.01 miles

Total Time: 46:55

Pace: 11:42

Sound Track : Indigo Girls

Run Rating : 4

Music Rating: 4

Week 6 - Day 1 - 4 Miles

"We run, not because we think it is doing us good, but because we enjoy it and cannot help ourselves...The more restricted our society and work become, the more necessary it will be to find some outlet for this craving for freedom. No one can say, 'You must not run faster than this, or jump higher than that.' The human spirit is indomitable." - Sir Roger Bannister, first runner to run a sub-4 minute mile

I took to the track at Jackson Middle School on this run. It has been quite a long time since I have run the track. It can be boring and I really hate keeping track of laps. Now that I have my handy-dandy running app I don't have to pay attention to anything so I found the run quite enjoyable. I was able to lose myself in the music and the beautiful night. There were a few other people on the track, most of them elderly. Every time I see older people there I think of my Mom and how much I wish she could have learned to be more active. I believe it would have saved her life. I know it is too late for such thoughts, but I can't help myself. These older citizens really inspire me because I know how easy it is to live out our golden years in a comfy "pull-back-chair" with the remote in hand and the curtains closed. I believe this behavior can make one quite unhappy and unfulfilled and while there is nothing wrong with a little relaxation, I believe it is vital to get the shoes on and get out the door and into the fresh air.

Week 5 - Day 4 - Stats

Location: Multnomah Village

Distance: 3.00 miles

Total Time: 34:17

Pace: 11:26

Sound Track : Indigo Girls

Run Rating : 5

Music Rating: 4

Week 5 - Day 4 - 3 Miles

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." - John Bingham

Something happens to me when I run after 8pm. It is like some demon escapes from my body and I am unencumbered by fear which means I burn up the trail. It is awesome! I ran Multnomah Village again which means two very steep and LONG hills. I was unstoppable! I managed to run 3 miles at a pace of 11:26 per mile. This is a large speed increase for me. I know this because I am using a new app called Runkeeper that records everything and even chimes in every 5 minutes to tell me how far I have run, how long I have run and how fast I have run. I am madly in love with this app! Now that I know my pace I can play with it and try to challenge myself.

I love running the village, one reason is because there are lots of people out and when I run past them I feel really good about myself. I realize this seems petty and quite condescending but it drives me. I believe that I was born with the "look at me" gene which is why I have spent so many years up on a stage. It is funny that I equate running to performing in some way. I can't imagine how it possibly does the same "thing" for my ego but somehow it works. Perhaps it is coupled with this blog. After all, this blog seems to be quite a sneaky way for me to "show off", but I can't help myself. I was born to broadcast I guess.

Week 5 - Day 3 - Stats

Location: Spring Water Corridor - Waterfront

Distance: 13.14 miles

Temp: 68

Total Time: 3:06:07

Pace: 14:10

Sound Track : Jack Johnson/Fleetwood Mac

Run Rating : 3

Music Rating: 3

Week 5 - Day 3 - 13 Miles

"Racing teaches us to challenge ourselves. It teaches us to push beyond where we thought we could go. It helps us to find out what we are made of. This is what we do. This is what it's all about." - PattiSue Plumer, U.S. Olympian

Halfway. Halfway and I couldn't run one more step. That said, every time I run a personal record I feel the same way. I just have to believe that 26.2 miles will follow the pattern.

I ran around the waterfront a couple times and since it was relatively early I was able to witness the homeless population of Portland greeting another day. Several were camped out on the grass in sleeping bags. A few of the younger crowd were still partying and enjoying a morning bath in the drinking fountains. I wonder quite often about this sub-culture, how did they get here, is it by choice, how do they endure the cold, wet nights, what do they do with their time, how do they eat. As I ran past them in my $100 running shoes I did not pity them, I learned a few years ago that to pity someone is to hold them small. These people are just living their own reality the best way they can, like the rest of us.

There were lots of runners on the trail, quite a mob were congregated at the end of the Spring Water Corridor trail that I run often. They seemed to be in some sort of group training, running in small packs. I have read a lot about running being a social sport. I can see how that is true when it comes to these groups. As I ran past them and their table filled with red vines, energy drinks and water, I wondered if I should join a group like theirs. Immediately I thought, no way, the last thing I want is to feel like I have chat while I run. I realized how much I enjoy the solitude of running. I prefer to be alone with my music, my thoughts and my internal game. I always figured I would love team sports, but I tried roller derby last year and didn't make any friends or bond with anyone. Perhaps I am just not cut out for that sort of pack mentality. I always figured I was an extrovert but I am learning through this process how much better I feel emotionally after a long solitary run.

Week 5 - Day 2 - Stats

Location: Multnomah Village/Gabriel Park

Distance: 4 miles

Temp: 77

Start Time: 6:55

Total Time: 40

Sound Track : YMSB

Run Rating : 3

Music Rating: 4

Pre Run Snack: blueberries

Week 5 - Day 2 - 4 Miles

"I always loved running...it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs." - Jesse Owens

I've been reading lots of "motivational" quotes on running as I have been keeping this blog. Some of them really excite me but others completely terrify me. I have been contemplating this lately as I think about my runs. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I "forget" the pain when running in the same way a woman "forgets" childbirth. I suddenly realized that the last time I felt the way I have since I began my training was when I was pregnant. I don't know how it is for all pregnant women, but I fretted quite often about my ability to push a baby out of my body. I am finding myself fretting almost as much about the marathon. I (again) wonder if other runners feel like I do. Every time I have these doubts I feel like a "fake" athlete, because a "real" athlete would never feel weak or doubt their own strength. It is much the same as the way I feel about myself as "fake" database programmer. How could I possibly be smart enough to do that all day? how could I possibly be strong enough to run a marathon? I am disturbed at my lack of self-confidence.

Week 5 - Day 1 - Stats

Location: Multnomah Village/Gabriel Park

Distance: 4

Temp: 86

Start Time: 6ish

Total Time: ??

Sound Track : Indigo Girls

Run Rating : 3

Music Rating: 4

Pre Run Snack: blueberries

Week 5 - Day 1 - 4 Miles

“A marathon. I think, you’re at mile twenty and you have six more to go and your body is just battered and bleeding and miserable. I would rather be dead.” - Jillian Michaels (when asked about her "workout hell")

Turns out there is a mini-forrest quite near Multnomah Village in Gabriel Park. I love these new discoveries! This run gave me plenty of hills (again) which really did slow me down this time. I shamefully admit I walked one of them. However I felt that I finished strong on the last VERY steep hill that brought me back into the village. I was totally spent. I felt pretty weak during this entire run, maybe it was because I had run hills the day before. As I approached my car I caught a glance at my backside in a shop window and I must admit, things are looking "up" back there! At least there is some visible payoff for all this sweat!!

Week 4 - Day 4 - Stats

Location: Multnomah Village

Distance: 4

Temp: 77

Start Time: 6ish

Total Time: ??

Sound Track : Indigo Girls

Run Rating : 3

Music Rating: 4

Pre Run Snack: blueberries

Week 4 - Day 4 - 4 Miles

"Ah just felt like runnin." - Forrest Gump

Multnomah village beckoned me again. This time I created a route that would not involve backtracking. I really dislike backtracking. If I leave home and forget something I have a very hard time going back. I often drive one way to a particular place then another way back home. I like making circles, there is more to see along the way. This route was pretty lousy with hills. One hill in particular almost broke me but I kept chugging along. It is funny how running is like child birth in that I forget how difficult it can be in between runs. I believe this selective amnesia is the only way anyone can really run. I forget all the discomfort and instead remember the beautiful scenery and how great I felt afterwards. I wonder if this happens to anyone else. I can't imagine anyone really enjoying feeling uncomfortable so I assume I am not alone in this.

I am thinking of repeating this hilly run on my next outing and yet even as I remember that vicious hill, it is still fuzzy enough that I will probably do it again.

Week 4 - Day 3 - Stats

Location: Downtown Portland

Distance: 8.3 Miles

Temp: 65

Start Time: 12:12

Total Time: 1 hr 50 mins

Sound Track : "The Show" Yonder Mountain String Band

Run Rating : 3

Music Rating: 5

Pre Run Snack: oatmeal

Week 4 - Day 3 - 8 Miles

“I thought about how many preconceived prejudices would crumble when I trotted right along for 26 miles.” - Roberta "Bobbi" Gibb, first woman to run the Boston Marathon 1966

Appropriate running clothes are very important. Running 8 miles in the rain through downtown Portland has driven that concept home to me pretty well. I wore my velour sweat pants. I love velour sweat pants, I have them in many colors. However, there is something that happens to velour when it gets wet; it becomes very heavy. Even so, I managed to plod and splash my way through town, pulling up my sagging pants every few seconds.

I ran the first 8 miles of the marathon route. I plan to cover the entire route before the big day so there are no surprises. It was nice to discover that there is one hill in the first 3 miles. Other than that, the route was pretty easy and took me down the waterfront which is always a nice experience, even in the rain. As I ran I was picturing race day, the streets free of traffic and instead filled with hundreds of runners. I wonder how far behind I will be, or if there will be a group of slow-pokes. Even though my long runs are getting longer I am so far from 26.2 miles that I am still worried about my ability to really do this. This experience has taught me how important it is to stay in the moment, the only thing I have to think about is the current run. It is a huge lesson in trusting myself. I have worked on the concept of "be here now" for quite some time but only on an intellectual level. I now actually feel like I am experiencing it on an organic level.

Week 4 - Day 2 - Stats

Location: Spring Water Corridor

Distance: 5 Miles

Temp: 77

Start Time: 6:55 PM

Total Time: 65 mins

Sound Track : "The Show" Yonder Mountain String Band

Run Rating : 4

Music Rating: 5

Pre Run Snack: apple

Week 4 - Day 2 - 5 Miles

"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you'd better be running." - Unknown

I love to read all the expressions that pass me in the opposite direction as I run. Some of the faces show great concentration, others determination, a few seem to be in pain, but mostly I see huge smiles. I believe I am generally smiling while I am running as well. There is something magical about covering distance outside. I believe I connect to some animal instinct when I run, some primal force that was ingrained into the human psyche many evolutionary cycles ago. I do not think I could ever be a treadmill runner. I just cannot imagine a 5 mile run without gorgeous scenery and smiling faces. Although running is a very solitary activity, I feel connected to everyone I encounter. There is an unspoken language that passes through a knowing glance, a "good for you!" energy that pervades the trail. Even though I have participated in numerous "team" activities, this running thing has helped me feel more connected and more a part of something than I have ever experienced. Last Saturday I ran quite early in the morning and there were several little pods of runners training together. For a moment I thought perhaps I was missing out on something by training solo, but then I realized that I wouldn't have it any other way. Maybe I need to be separate to feel included, maybe that is why I have always felt on the outside. Maybe the only way I can ever truly be part of something is to keep myself at a slight distance....

Week 4 - Day 1 - Stats

Location: Spring Water Corridor

Distance: 4 Miles

Temp: 62, partly cloudy

Start Time: 4:15pm

Total Time: 45 Mins

Sound Track : "The Book of Mormon" soundtrack

Run Rating : 5

Music Rating: 5

Pre Run Snack: nada

Week 4 - Day 1 - 4 Miles

"The will to win means nothing if you haven't the will to prepare."

- Juma Ikangaa, 1989 NYC Marathon winner

Busy day, Gwyneth's derby practice and Reeve's 8th grade promotion threatened to derail my run but I managed to fit it in while she practiced. I was supposed to run 5 miles however due to time constraints I swapped for Thursday's run and did 4 instead. I know this is not a big deal but this is the first time I have diverged from "the plan". I can be obsessive about new hobbies, to the exclusion of everything else in my life. I realized that an event like my son's 8th grade promotion might be a little more important than 1 mile. Since starting to train I have ditched all other hobbies. I started taking fiddle lessons a couple months ago but have skipped the last 3 classes. I wonder why I have such a hard time balancing. I am now afraid to start anything new because I might lose interest in running and I just cannot quit on myself this time. My biggest fear is that after the race I will crap out completely on fitness. I do not want this to be a whim. I do not want to look back in 10 years and remember the brief time that I got in shape and took good care of myself. I do not want to live out my life like my mother did, always planning to get healthy some day but never really committing 100% to it.

I do not want to die like her.

Week 3 - Day 4 - Stats

Location: Multnomah Village

Distance: 3

Temp: 60, cloudy

Start Time: 8pm

Total Time: 40 Mins

Sound Track : "The Book of Mormon" soundtrack

Run Rating : 5

Music Rating: 5

Pre Run Snack: nada

Week 3 - Day 4 - 3 Miles

"The marathon never ceases to be a race of joy, a race of wonder." - Hal Higdon

After a VERY busy weekend, a trip to Eugene and back, I didn't think I would muster up the gumption to tie my shoes tonight. The rationalization went something like this, "You ran an extra mile yesterday and your knees still hurt and there is no reason why you can't run tomorrow instead. After all, you just drove for 2 hours, you are tired and you ran 11 miles just yesterday for god's sake, nobody expects you to run another 3 tonight." I sat around for a couple hours after we got home and by 8pm I was suddenly putting on my shoes and heading out the door. I chose to run through Multnomah Village, steep hills and all. Justin came along and rode his bike. I listened to the sound track for "The Book of Mormon" which proved to be an EXCELLENT idea. I laughed out loud several times, even while I was climbing the hills. It was a wonderful run through one of my favorite parts of town. The streets were quiet, the sky was darkening and I was in my happy place. I sprinted up the last hill and felt as joyful as a pig in shit.

Week 3 - Day 3 - Stats

Location: Willamette River Loop

Distance: 11.2

Temp: 60, cloudy

Start Time: 8am

Total Time: 2 Hrs 30 Mins

Sound Track : "The Show" Yonder Mountain String Band

Run Rating : 2

Music Rating: 5

Pre Run Snack: nothing (will I EVER learn?)

Week 3 - Day 3 - 10 Miles

"Marathoning is just another form of insanity." - John J. Kelly, winner of the 1952 Boston Marathon

This week I had another record day on the training schedule, 10 miles. I could think about little else this week. I often found myself looking forward to it like I used to look forward to going to Disneyland when I was a kid. However, the next second I would find myself dreading it like I used to dread taking a test I hadn't studied for when I was in school. I think this is the mental game of the distance runner. I believe this experience is literally taking up the extra space in my head that used to be filled with needless worry and replacing it with personal challenge.

I am grateful to my Father this week for being so supportive of my new obsession and doing all he could to make room for me to fit in my runs. I was worried that it would be difficult for me to keep up while wanting to spend as much time with him as possible. Saturday was the biggest challenge, I would have to fit in the 2.5 hour long run before we headed down to Eugene to see my niece graduate from high school. I hit the road at 8am and made my way around the Willamette River. The run was challenging, mainly because the night before I had the brilliant idea to "carb load" on pizza and poppycock. While I quite enjoyed stuffing my face all evening, I did not enjoy running for 2 hours all the while feeling like I had to run to the bathroom at any moment. Fortunately I was able to complete the run. As I rounded the final corner I checked my watch and noticed I had only been running for 2 hours and 12 minutes. I instantly doubted my distance and decided to round around the block for the final 8 minutes. As I approached my car I still had 1 minute to spare so I ran in place. Later I mapped the run and realized I had run 11.2 miles. This means my time has improved quite significantly! My goals with the long run is to complete it and feel as if I still have another mile in me. This time I achieved that and more. I no longer recognize myself in the mirror. I no longer feel like I am a slug. I no longer worry about my health and I no longer fear a zombie attack.

Week 3 - Day 2 - Stats

Location: Barbur Blvd.

Distance: 4 miles

Temp: 64, cloudy

Start Time: 5 pm

Total Time: 45 mins

Sound Track : "The Show" Yonder Mountain String Band

Run Rating : 3

Music Rating: 5

Pre Run Snack: blueberries

Week 3 - Day 2 - 4 Miles

"The marathon's about being in contention over the last 10K. That's when it's about what you have in your core. You have run all the strength, all the superficial fitness out of yourself, and it really comes down to what's left inside you. To be able to draw deep and pull something out of yourself is one of the most tremendous things about the marathon." - Rob de Castella, 1983 World Marathon Championships Winner

Yesterday I took Dad on a driving tour of Portland. I love showing off this city, I adore her like a big sister. By the time we got home and I had picked up the kids it was time to start thinking about my 4 mile run. Fitting my training in with "out of routine" life experiences is less challenging than I thought it would be. I feel like a machine that cannot be stopped. Considering time constraints (we had dinner plans) I decided to run out my front door instead of driving through rush hour to the trail. I quickly mapped out a run that would take me up our closest busy highway and back. As I reviewed the route I noticed a steep uphill/downhill pattern and started to doubt myself.

I avoid hills.

However, with time running short I pushed my hesitations aside and hit the road. The first mile was almost completely downhill and I was feeling great, pushing thoughts of the climb BACK out of my mind. At the bottom of the hill I saw the next hill in front of me. Too late now to turn back, I kept a steady pace and I felt really great. The only distractions were my yoga pants that were continually falling down and the exhaust fumes circling my nose. I completed the run in my usual time, hills and all. I am not saying it was easy, I had to dig down deep to keep moving and my quads were feeling it, however I made it safely home, sweaty and red in the face but triumphant. I do not think I will be repeating this particular run (I am not a fan of exhaust fumes) however it taught me something about progress. 3 weeks ago I was not able to keep running on hills and now I have proven to myself that they are nothing to fear. Running is about putting one foot in front of the other and trusting that my force of will can keep my legs moving. It is about engaging my inner "bad ass".

Yea...I am BAD ASS!!!!

Week 3 - Day 1 - Stats

Location: Spring Water Corridor

Distance: 3 miles

Temp: 62, cloudy

Start Time: 4:15 pm

Total Time: 45 mins

Sound Track : The Mother Hips

Run Rating : 4

Music Rating: 4

Pre Run Snack: granola bar

Week 3 - Day 1 - 3 Miles

"The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too far for your body. You must handle the pain with strategy...It is not age; it is not diet. It is the will to succeed." - Jacqueline Gareau, 1980 Boston Marathon champ

My Dad is in town visiting. This is a momentous occasion for me because I pretty much think my Dad walks on water. Yesterday we took Gwynny to derby practice so he could see what she is up to and I ran on the trail nearby. 3 miles was almost a joke to me. Just when I got warmed up and in my zone, it was over. I am realizing the power of the longer run. It's like meditating for an hour as opposed to 5 mins. It gives me time to sink into it and feel the power of movement, the grace of strength and the relaxation of release. I cannot express enough how grateful I am for this discovery. Since starting this training and posting quite a lot about it I have had friends say "I am not a good runner". When I hear that I chuckle because it was almost yesterday that I was saying the same thing. I want everyone to know that when you put your will to the test, it really will see you through. It really will stop hurting, and you will NOT die if you push yourself another mile. Running is complete surrender to what is possible.

Monday night I had a deep conversation with my 14 year old son about his future and the power of dreaming big. We have been watching "So You Think You Can Dance" and every time I watch another dream come true I think back to my time at 21 and what potential I had, what plans I had. Then I remember how I let it all go, how I watched my dreams die because of my lack of focus and drive. I explained to Reeve how important it is to never give up on yourself. Suddenly I made the connection to what I am experiencing with running and I teared up. I realized that at the tender age of 39 I am finally learning what it means to be focused and driven. I guess better late then never.

Week 2 - Day 4 - Stats

Location: Spring Water Corridor

Distance: 4 miles

Temp: 79, cloudy

Start Time: 5:15 pm

Total Time: 1hr

Sound Track : Yonder Mountain String Band

Run Rating : 5

Music Rating: 5

Pre Run Snack: blueberries

Week 2 - Day 4 - 4 Miles

"Training is principally an act of faith. The athlete must believe in its efficacy; he must believe that through training he will become fitter and stronger; that by constant repetition of the same movements he will become more skillful and his muscles more relaxed." - Franz Stampfl, On Running

After yesterday's fiasco I waited until 5pm to run this time. It was in the high 70's and fortunately there was a nice cloud coverage. The run was really perfect. I needed it. Saturday was a rude awakening. It was so hot and I am not used to running with any sort of heat. I realized that my training this summer might be harder then I thought but with good time management I should be able to avoid the worst of it. Still, it can hover around 100 for a couple weeks of the summer in Portland so I am not sure how I will handle that. Best policy is to continue to take this one run at a time.

Reeve came with me and rode his bike. It was really nice to see him outside enjoying the day. Kids today do not get outside nearly as much as we did. I remember being outside at much as possible in the summer, playing with the neighborhood crowd. Our current neighborhood has no crowd, we really don't know anyone on our street. I am glad I can get the kids out with me at the very least, even if I have to force them.

I quit running at this time last year. I am not really sure why except that one day I just could not get myself to do it and that was all it took. This year I feel completely different and I am not sure what has changed. Maybe I needed time off to miss it? Who knows. Fitness is such a strange beast.

Week 2 - Day 3 - Stats

Location: Spring Water Corridor

Distance: 6 miles

Temp: 84, sunny

Start Time: 12:18 pm

Total Time: 1hr 18 mins

Sound Track : Yonder Mountain String Band

Run Rating : 1

Music Rating: 5

Pre Run Snack: apple

Week 2 - Day 3 - 6 Miles

"The marathon can humble you." - Bill Rodgers, winner of four Boston and four NYC marathons

This is what it felt like to run 6 miles in 84 degree weather at noon:

Week 2 - Day 2 - Stats

Location: Willamette West Bank Bike Trail

Distance: 4.4 miles

Temp: 58, partly cloudy

Start Time: 6:30 pm

Total Time: 1hr 4 mins

Pace: 14.54

Sound Track : The Mother Hips

Run Rating : 3

Music Rating: 5

Pre Run Snack: blueberries

Week 2 - Day 2 - 4 Miles

"For me, like so many others, running is the answer. Out on the road it is just you, the pavement, and your will." - John Bingham, "The Courage to Start"

Ugh. Last night's run was hard. My legs hurt, my hands twitched and I had to pee the whole time. Thank goodness for the scenery. It took sheer will to keep my body moving. The important thing is that I finished. I am really learning how press on even though I am uncomfortable in this new hobby. I hope it will trickle down into other parts of my life like playing my violin, working on my yard and cleaning my house. I have always been pretty lazy, I spent many years on the couch or in front of some computer game. I think perhaps I was avoiding and escaping. If I saturate my mind with other people's stories I don't have to face my own. There is not a whole lot to do when I run except listen to my own stories. I think the fact that endorphins kick in help me to see things more positively. When I run I struggle at first but as I get going I start to feel like a warrior, like I can do anything. I am realizing that is one of the biggest payoffs to regular exercise. When I push my body to its limits I feel limitless, rather I AM limitless.